I’ve gotten some unsettling news, on top of all the pandemic induced issues of the last several weeks. My last two annual physicals my PSA (Prostate Specific Antigen) has been elevated. Since it stayed elevated, my doctor advised I see a urologist. The urologist said if it was him, he’d have a biopsy instead of waiting.
My decision was to do the biopsy, so after a few weeks of worrying about it, I finally had the in office procedure on April 29th. While it wasn’t pleasant, it was far from as bad as I anticipated. My mindset was to not worry until I knew I had something to worry about. Just over a week later, I had a phone call from the urologist with the results. So this past Thursday, May 7th, I found out that eight of the 12 samples have cancer. They use a sliding scale with 6 the least bad and 10 the worst. Seven of the 8 samples that were positive had a score of 6, and the other a score of 7.
This means that I have a slow growing, non-aggressive form of cancer. It’s the best kind to have, as it is easily treatable. Since my prostate is basically full of cancer and is self contained, from what they can tell, it should be easily curable. The two best options are surgery for removal, or radiation. Both come with their own benefits and side effects.
Currently, I’m leaning towards the option for surgery. However, I have to have an in office visit to go into more detail on the two options so I have all the facts before making a decision. Plus, I have to wait and heal up from the biopsy first before they consider any form of treatment.
Fuck Cancer
So while I heal from the biopsy, I have time to think and plan.
My head was swimming a bit after getting the news, but I’m OK. Knowledge is power.
This is just the big bad and I found out about him and now I’m going to foil his plans and kill him. I have time to formulate an effective plan with the right team to do the job. Just like in RPGs.
Revising Plans and Looking Ahead
The reality of having a life threatening condition that will lead to a painful and shitty death if ignored definitely gets your attention. I plan to be around for a long time, but I need to wrap up loose ends so that no matter what happens, it’s less crap to worry about.
I can’t do all the bucket list things due to travel restrictions with COVID-19. I can’t go visit all my relatives and friends for the same reason. I’m thankful that my son, daughter-in-law, and granddaughter live with me.
So I have to work with what I’ve got. My job is secure and paying the bills. Less going out and about and the bank account is in good shape. No telling how big a hit treatment will be, so that’s good. I hope to avoid having to ask for help, but I need to hold that thought until I know just what my share will be after insurance. So I have to reduce spending and backing Kickstarters, etc.
I have enough games I’ve never played, let alone read. So I don’t know how much time I’ll have for reading and playing new games. That’s all on my radar of things to consider.
My Patreon has gone to the back burner as the whole lockdown and Gary Con going virtual and I ran a couple games for Gary Con, so I didn’t finish my March PDF. I did something totally different for April, I shared my Caverns & Cave Bears rough setting PDF along with the Simple Generic RPG that I made for any setting. I have only shared it with my patrons. I will share it with anyone who gives feedback so I can make it better. I’ll eventually have them available on DriveThruRPG [Affiliate Link].
So my Patreon got derailed by how I reacted to the chaos of lock down. I just got done with the busy season at work and was so looking forward to getting out of the house to go to Gary Con. I got into Minecraft to get my mind on something else, and I built a mountain top temple from one location in my AD&D Roll20 campaign, The Broken Lands. I am also working on another location from the same campaign, an underground temple. You can catch these on my Twitch channel since I streamed them there.
Sorry for dragging this out about my Patreon. I need to revise it to fit whatever my plans end up being to help me wrap up things and streamline for the time I need to heal up after treatment. At the moment, I don’t know what that will be.
What About The Card Game?
My final round of play testing I expected to do at Gary Con did not happen. I think where the rules are will work. My plan is to get the card layout done and just put it on DriveThru Cards [Affiliate Link]. Kickstarters are not the thing to do right now, and they take a lot of work. I’ll put it together with the public domain and other art from my test decks. My artist is still producing art, but has a lot more pieces to finish before I can use that art. I can use the funds generated on DriveThru Cards [Affiliate Link] to help fund finishing the art, in case treatment eats up my savings. I should have enough in my business account to cover it, so I’m not worried about that. Once I have all the custom art pieces, I can think about a Kickstarter. But there is no way I have the time, energy, or the mental or emotional oomph to run a Kickstarter right now.
Running & Playing Games
I just re-started my AD&D [Affiliate Link] campaign on Roll20. I plan to keep going and will only stop when treatment and recovery prevent me from running a session. I will have plenty of time to think and plan leading up to that point, and during recovery.
The Monday night B/X game [Affiliate Link] and Wednesday night Stars Without Number [Affiliate Link]game on Roll20 will get by without me for any time I am down. I intend to keep playing in both.
I may do a special weekend of running games I’d like to play, maybe for Memorial Day. Maybe I can get my brother to run a game online with the old gang. That would be a hoot.
Podcasting, YouTube, & Twitch
I will continue to podcast as I have topics I think are worth sharing. I will keep making YouTube videos about Roll20 and other things. I will keep streaming Minecraft and other things on Twitch.
I can make a quick update and post online following any treatment to give a heads up on making it through the treatment (surgery).
Other Plans
I’ve been trying to downsize all the stuff I have with the long term goal of my sons not being left with a bunch of stuff they don’t know what to do with it. Everyone should do that so their loved ones don’t have to. It’s been on my to do list for years, and it feels like I’ve only scratched the surface. I want to wrap up the things on my list of home projects, at least the ones involving organizing things, so I don’t have to look at them and be tempted to overdo it during recovery.
I also really need to do a will. Not to be morbid, but one never knows. I had a severe car accident 27 years ago, and that could have been it. I’ve got enough life insurance to pay off my mortgage, truck, and other debts with some left over. Plus my pension. It’s more than my parents were able to leave to my siblings and me.
I want to cover all the bases I can and do all that I realistically can to leave things as organized as possible to minimize my stress when stuck sitting or paying around for recovery. My brain will insist on thinking and worrying about stupid shit that doesn’t matter, so no matter how well I prepare, I’ll still have that to deal with. But maybe I can short circuit it a bit.
Thanks!
I want to thank everyone who has messaged me words of support and encouragement. Those mean more to me than you can ever know. I plan to beat this thing. Cancer is one of those things for which I had a fear. Mostly about it being too late to do anything about it, or being the kinds few survive. So I’m not as affected as I would otherwise be. I’m now worried about the side effects of whatever treatment I choose. There may be none. I know I’ve internalized some of my stress, as I’ve snapped a bit at family. So I know it will be a challenge to be the positive and encouraging person I try to be. I plan to be around a long time.