I imagine those who try to gatekeep roleplaying games as obsessed with a broken gate with no fence. Sadly, many are turned away from what’s on the other side of the broken gate based solely on the interaction with these jerks who only want people who look like them, think like them, and play their specific favorite rule set in the specific way, that to them is THE way to do it. Unfortunately, many don’t realize there is no fence to go with that gate.

Their online posts across all forms of social media are them showing how narrow minded and mean they are. Their volume of both the quantity of their posting and their voices fools one into thinking they are larger than they are. They are limited in ideas, creativity, and kindness. They would be the kind of tourist that give their country a bad name.

If all you can do is complain about how people choose to play RPGs, which RPGs they choose to play, and the fact that they are different from most people in your limited life experience, are you really a gamer? How do you ever have time to game or anyone to game with when all you seem to do is complain? Get some help, the world is already bad enough without you spewing vitriol and hate.

RPGs already have a bit of a stigma from the so called “Satanic Panic” of the 1980’s. As someone old enough to have lived it and felt the pressure to hide that I played D&D from anyone I didn’t know was ridiculous. Thankfully, my parents used their brains. My Mom read the AD&D Players Handbook before she gave it to me for Christmas. My aunt questioned it, and my Mom said, “I read it, it’s just a game.” That was before the whole steam tunnel incident.

Mom & Dad let our friends come over and play, and they fed us well, just like when we went over to friends’ houses to play.

When you limit those welcome at the table, you limit your ability to play the game. What if the players you turn away don’t want you if you can’t find a group? It is a two way street.

I have experienced judgement just for playing D&D. No one needs judgement for bad/wrong fun in the way they play, or in how they present themselves to the world.

Just like at the gaming table, the more brains, ideas, and experiences we bring to the challenges presented in game leads to overcoming them, so it works in the real world. No two people see 100% of things 100% the same way.

Now in the 21st Century, there are still instances of new gamers getting excluded directly, or the old passive-aggressive method of killing their character. Boyfriends & husbands don’t want their girlfriends & wives getting into their “guys’ night”. That’s OK, explain it like that, be adults, you just want time with the guys. Sometimes you need time without your significant other. All you have to do is be a grown up and explain it like that.

However, if you have people who are willing to play, especially first time players, you should find a way to involve them. Give them a positive experience. If all of your buddies’ significant others want to play, then offer to run them through a game. Create characters, explain the funny dice, and how things work. Be a good ambassador for the hobby. If you never get to GM, there’s your group.

As hard as it can be to find players for in person games, why would you want to limit your pool of players? Back in the day, we let our little brothers play, because we needed more players. If we had had the wisdom, my group might have actually had the idea to ask our sisters and other girls to play. Are you sure you really like RPGs, if you don’t want to play when you have a chance? I think you might be mad because you can’t find anyone to play at your table because you’re not a nice person.

We all want to be accepted for who we are without others putting pressure on us to conform to their image of us. Who cares if someone wanting to play is male, female, nonbinary, gay, straight, trans, etc? Why do safety tools and helping others enjoy the game in a way that you’ve never tried, or doesn’t fit your style of play matter so much? The only ones loudly proclaiming the ONLY way to do it are the narrow minded who only ever seem to complain.

Yes, some new gamers have the impression that the way Critical Role and other online streamed games do it is the only way to play. No gamer should fall into the trap of there’s only one right way to play RPGs. You become a dreaded gatekeeper if you do that. We all have our preferred way to play RPGs, but if we try other playstyles and rulesets we can add to our toolbox of ideas as players and GMs.

If you have enough imagination to play RPGs then you shouldn’t have any difficulty seeing women and other new gamers as players and GMs at the game table. As you should know from playing TTRPGs limiting your thinking about an in-game situation makes it harder or even impossible to overcome some situations.

Everyone who plays RPGs should be welcoming of other players, especially new players. Our hobby is a small niche, we need all the new players we can get. RPGs can give you years and generations of fun as your kids and grandkids get old enough to play. If you stop your wife from playing, and you only have daughters, good luck in getting support from your wife when you want to introduce the game to your daughters. Or, if you only have daughters and you recall how you treated women who wanted to game, you might choose to discourage your daughters from getting involved. Your daughters might not appreciate it if you let your sons play. Think about it.

In short, don’t be a sphincter. If you’re not having fun it’s your own fault. Life’s too short to spend your time complaining.